Quiet Clubbing, and Other Things

22 01 2013

Quiet clubbing is fun, and hilarious. A room packed full of people, most of whom who have had at least one drink, all bobbing along to whatever channel their headphones are on. So you can be on a pop song, the guy down the bar is dancing salsa, and the girls in the corner are all singing off key to some boy band from the 90s. And then you take the headphones off, and suddenly the only sounds are people talking and singing, and everyone is dancing terribly, and you’re laughing. I didn’t meet anyone, but it was a lot of fun. I was all into my 90s music and lemon drops.

There was one guy who told me I smelled nice. Coming from a man who I didn’t find attractive or interesting, it was creepy like woah. You don’t want to think that someone who you don’t really want is that close to you, I guess.

Then there was another guy who did nothing but walk around and stare. I was like, um, can you not do that, it makes me think that you’re trying to pick who to take home and skin. Logically, I know that he either a. was nervous, or b. was trying to scope out girls, but it was tres creepy nonetheless.

And….I had a job interview today. YAY! I don’t know if I got it or not, but it’s good practice. I also bought a book that has taught me many things in a few hours, called ‘Getting Naked: Five Steps To Finding The Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed & Totally Sober),’ by Harlan Cohen. He wrote the Naked Roommate. That was about strange things that can happen to you at college and how to deal with them, but this one really makes me think. I like it; it’s frank without making you feel stupid, so I recommend it.

Still makes me sad when BB doesn’t mail me, but now I just try to move on with it. And go on OkCupid. Still haven’t gotten any bites from anyone I like, but oh well. I actually put a bit in my profile about how I don’t want any ‘Hey sexy’ messages, and I still get them. More proof that a lot of guys don’t actually read the profiles. To prove my point, the few messages I get from women usually indicate that they actually want to talk to me. I’m not so attracted to them, but it’s nice that they actually read it!

You know, on the sexuality scale, I used to think I was 50/50, straight down the middle, but I think I’m more of a 65/35. I do appreciate women, but I usually have to know them a little before…actually, no, I take that back. I’m just a little more easily attracted to men, or maybe I’m pickier about women?

Man, I haven’t posted in a while. How’s tricks?

Sincerely yours,

J.J

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My Little Brother is a Tool, and a little Sex Talk

11 01 2013

Isn’t that terrible that I can say that? I mean, he’s my brother, and I love him, and he’s not irredeemable or anything, but oh my god if we weren’t related I would find him insufferable.

He’s turning into one of those guys who takes photos of himself (or has me do it) where he’s throwing gang signs or flipping off the camera, while in a beanie and sunglasses. I am going to pull those photos off the internet in fifteen years and make a slideshow, and the rest of the family with howl with laughter and he will never live it down. In the meantime, I have to ignore him when he’s all ‘You don’t understand my coolness’ and I want to kick him in the shins.

Anyway. I went to a Meetup yesterday. I am very proud of myself, because I wandered around until I found it and I talked to strangers with no expectations and I had fun getting my anime nerd on. If you had told the old me to do that she probably would have run screaming and eaten her body weight in chocolate. (I wonder if anyone’s ever actually done that. I mean, I love me some chocolate, but that’s more than 150 pounds of chocolate. Damn.)

Anyone with social anxiety who’s working on it, don’t lose hope! If I can do it, anyone can.

Now I have the desire to read more manga, mwahahaha. In the meantime, I’m looking forward to quiet clubbing tomorrow. It’s either going to be retarded or funny or a lot of fun, so it’ll be worth the cover. Big C is coming, so we can party all night long.

BB only e-mails once a day now. 😦 Whatever, I will find a new crush.

To people who want to tighten their core a little bit: get a stability ball. They’re not too expensive, and I use one as my desk chair. (Occasionally I use my actual chair because my back gets tired, but my posture is a lot better now.)

This part of the post is NSFW. Just so you know. I’mma talk about sexy things now. In red.

I know I am way too hung up on BB, but other than my massive crush on him, the sex was a big factor.  Now, I am of the opinion that it is a lot easier for men to enjoy sex than it is for women. Men have orgasms early; women can go for years without having them. Probably because female masturbation has taken years to grow out of taboo, while it’s almost taken for granted that men do it regularly. And to be blunt, men have more to work with. 

The point of all this? I have had a lot of ‘oh, is that a crack on the ceiling?’ sex. A lot of it. It happens. A and I? Not so much, we could have some seriously ‘wake up the neighbors and write home about it’ sex. That’s pretty much all I miss about him now. 

BB and me? Oh baby. Some of the best sex I have ever had. Hands down. I mean, when I’m old and I’ve got my little grandkids running around, I will sit back and smile as I remember it. 

Okay, sexy talk over. I am going to get some writing done. Have a good Friday, everyone!

Sincerely yours,

J.J





Keeping Up

9 01 2013

 

More than likely, I don’t have a job anymore, unless they decide to keep me by some miracle. So I have to look for a new one, which makes me sad. Also, it’s harder to keep up my activity points.

(To explain, Weight Watchers has something called Active Link, which monitors your activity level, and I’m on a challenge, where you’re supposed to gradually increase your activity levels. Because of work, my level was too high, so I lowered it.)

I really need to find an activity that either a. I don’t have to think about, or b. I actually enjoy doing. I have fitness ADD. It’s like ‘Yay-Zumba! Bored now! Yay-jogging! Bored now! I don’t feel like exercising because it’s boring! For now, I will try to get up every hour and do something physical, since apparently you’re living a sedentary lifestyle if you sit for hours at a time, even if you work out during the day. And since my favorite hobby/desired profession involves sitting for long hours, I have to make a conscious effort to get off my butt.

I’m going to pottery class in a few minutes, so I’ll finish this post later.

***

YAY for pottery class. It’s free, so I won’t complain about the fact that there’s only one kiln, especially since I think there’s only going to be twelve of us total. And our teacher is pretty nice, even though apparently history is not his forte. (When he was giving us the quickest overview of the history of pottery that was ever existed, he said that 6000 B.C. happened before 12, 000 B.C. Uh. No. I resisted the urge to correct him because I didn’t think correcting the teacher on the first day of class would be particularly endearing.) And I think I’m probably one of the smartest, but I always think that, ha ha. I don’t really care, because clay is very relaxing, and I want to make concrete things. Today I started a pinch pot. It looks amateurish, but I am an amateur, and at least it looks like something. (It looks like a dip bowl, but baby steps.)

On the downside, it’s almost midnight and I’m still way awake. I think I will play The Room on my iPhone. It’s one of those games that you solve puzzles and gather little bits of story-it’s fun, and it’s like two bucks. Try the demo, it’s free!

Also, Jessica Simpson’s Weight Watchers commercials annoy the hell out of me. Probably because I don’t get the point of Jessica Simpson, in the same way I will never get the point of Paris Hilton. Or Nicki Manaj. I know that I have spelled that wrong, and I don’t care enough to look up how to spell it because she is too annoying to live and her music videos make no sense.  I’m going to watch Cruel Intentions.

Sincerely yours,

J.J





Notes from an Introvert

7 01 2013

Hey everyone.

I am twenty-six years old, single, living in my mother’s house, and I am home eating Fruit Loops. Part of me is okay with this; I’m losing weight, I’m not suicidal, I smile more. Part of me DOES NOT WANT. I was bummed all day today because BB didn’t e-mail, which is stupid. My friend is like ‘just confess’ and I’m like ‘I ALREADY DID AND GOT SHOT DOWN LEAVE ME ALONE’, so then I decided that I was going to get out of the house and go to meetups and a pottery class and maybe a singles event, and I was looking forward to it, and the pottery class is tomorrow.

Then the socially awkward part, the introverted part? Starts whining like a six year old who wants ice cream before dinner. ‘I don’t wanna go out and socialize! I don’t want to go on dates! I don’t wanna I don’t wanna you can’t make me WAHHHHHH’

I really want to improve my life, but it’s a little difficult when a large part of my personality acts like a socially awkward elementary school kid! …I guess I should talk about this in therapy, shouldn’t I?

To my fellow introverts, if any are reading, are you ever conflicted like this?

Sincerely yours,

J.J





The Mentality of a Douchebag

6 01 2013

Here’s a message I got on OkCupid-not that there are any real winners on there so far, the last one seemed great until I realized that he had conservative politics, which is why he checked me out and didn’t message me, I’m guessing-but this guy is just…ugh. I assume he thought he was being cute. Here’s the message:

heey(; mm id eat you out from behind aha your hot (;

Excuse my language, but the fuck? I know such a guy is not interested in me at all and just thinks he’s being…whatever, I don’t even know, but what, exactly, is the point of that? Is that supposed to be a compliment? Why do men think it’s okay to completely objectify women, even if they don’t know them? Even if my first thought upon seeing someone is ‘Oh baby, let me have a piece of your cake’ (which I don’t think I have ever thought or said without breaking into near hysterical laughter), I’m not going to to message them and tell them that!

Despite my issues, I know most guys aren’t like this. I mean, there are very few gems out there, but most guys don’t talk to women like that. Guys like this are really making all guys look bad.

 

I kinda wish BB was a douchebag. It’d be easier to get over him. I think if we were on the same side of the Atlantic we could have had a shot, but I think I might be just telling myself that to comfort myself. I know he doesn’t really feel anything for me, despite e-mailing me once a day. I mean, how much effort does that take? But it’s still nice, knowing that I cross his mind every once in a while. And I found a song that makes me think of him that actually matches reality: ‘One Night Only’, from Dreamgirls. For those who don’t know the song, here are the relevant lyrics:

I have no doubt that I could love you, forever

The only trouble is, you really don’t have the time

You’ve got one night only, 

One night only, 

That’s all you have to spare,

One night only; let’s not pretend to care

One night only, come on baby come on

One night only, we only have ’till dawn

In the morning, this feeling will be gone

It has no chance going on

Something so right has got no chance to live

Totally suits the situation. It’s a good song. And now I’m realizing, yet again, that meaningless sex keeps making me feel hollow after. Having sex with BB didn’t make me feel like that. Probably because we talked, and he keeps talking to me. I don’t know why, especially since he knows I like him, if I were him I would be worried about encouraging me, even though I told him not to worry about it.

It really was a silly dream that he felt something for me. All the same, it was nice while it lasted, you know? Why can’t it happen with someone here? Someone I could really develop a bond with? Why can’t I get a message from an OkCupid guy who isn’t wrong for some reason? Maybe I’m too picky? But then again, I don’t want to go out with someone just to go out. I want a partner, someone I can sit back to back with. What’s the point of a few dates if it’s not going to go anywhere? I guess it could be fun, but I’d rather be by myself, if it comes to that.

I should probably sleep, since I’m supposed to be up in…less than eight hours. Mom convinced me to go into work to pick up my pay stubs and say goodbye. I don’t really want to, but I’ll do it to shut her up about it and because I’m not sure whether I should. Whatever, if I still think it’s a lousy idea tomorrow, then I won’t bother. Hope everyone’s having a good weekend!

Sincerely yours,

J.J





Managing my Migraine

3 01 2013

Holy hell have I been sick. I was in the hospital for hours yesterday after days of the worst headache I have ever had, and now I’m finally feeling well enough to prop myself up and type out a post.

Hi everyone! Happy New Year! I drunk dialed a few people, and I have learned something! I have to not inflict my insecurity on people, because it is really irritating! Also, I plan to stay on Weight Watchers (which is hard to do while you are sick, let me tell you), get more exercise, and to try and believe that I am awesome. (‘Cause I kinda am. 🙂 )

Oh, BB mentioned that a friend confessed to liking him, I asked him not to talk about that because I like him, and we had a mini fight because he said that maybe we shouldn’t talk for a while because I wasn’t supposed to get hurt. But then we got over it, we are not going to mention my feelings for him, he won’t talk about his romances out of respect for that, and he apologized at least three times. I hope we can just be friends. I need to learn to just be friends with a guy anyway, especially one that I’ve slept with. (Does this mean that I don’t like him anymore? Not a chance, but I think I’ve managed to get out of the flowers and colors stage, since he’s been so clear and nice about it. Especially since I don’t think that it’s so much me as that he doesn’t want any relationship. My evidence for that? He mentioned that the friend liked him, but said nothing about how he felt about her, and that when I said I didn’t want to hear about what girls he liked, he said I needed to pay attention to what he was saying. So either I missed something, or he was pointing out that he didn’t say that he liked her.)

Anyways! The week after next I will find out if work wants to keep me-I’m mad that I had to miss this last week, but I was so damn sick I couldn’t even get out of bed other than to go to the bathroom and to eat, so running around work all day was so.not.happening. Right now I’m barely well enough to sit up, and the E.R doctor said to stay home, so home I am.  And I think I need to work on a piece I want to submit for consideration to a paid market. OMG! Wouldn’t that be something. (I think the royalty is like fifty bucks, but who cares, paid market, wee!)

I’m going to try and write while I’m still conscious, so later you guys!

Sincerely yours,

J.J