…ARGHAGHAHGH…okay.

29 09 2012

I HAVE LOST THIRTY POUNDS! WHEEEEE!

That is the only thing I’m happy about. Oh, and that the corniest nonsensical musical idea ever conceived is back on television. (For those of you who are all, ‘Wha?” I’m talking about Glee. As television goes, the writing is terrible and inconsistent, but it’s so much fun.)

I pose a question to the other post college age twenty somethings out there? Did any of you think that you would have been better off by this age when you were kids? I did. I thought I would be someone’s wife or girlfriend. I expected a college degree by now at the very least, I expected grad school or a job I loved. I expected a little apartment with my dog. (I do have the dog, but he barks too much and I think he likes my mother better.)

But no! I am thirty two pounds over weight, still living with my mother, single (not that there’s anyone I want to date ATM), I have no real job, no degree, and still in therapy.

And the worst part? I have the potential to do better. People expected me to do better. I wanted better. And I can’t seem to get past my depression, my anxiety, my doubt, my short attention span, and my lack of self confidence.

Does anyone else feel like this? Like nothing quite seems to go right, or not for long enough? I know I’m not the only who feels like the universe had planted a giant ‘kick me’ sign on them.

***

I’m experimenting with making Frappuccinos at home. Of course it’s not the same, it doesn’t have the same taste. Starbucks probably has some secret ingredient. Anyone have a guess? I did figure out you need a little less than a cup of milk and more ice, rather than less, or it ends up being too liquid. Also, Starbucks uses coffee and a coffee base, whatever that is. so I can’t replicate it perfectly. ::sigh::

***

I love bacon. And pork chops. And ribs. But then I see the ‘Please don’t eat me, I love you’ t-shirt, and I almost start crying. Over a non existent pig who doesn’t actually love me.

That’s the problem, I think vegetarianism is a nice idea, but I don’t think I would last two weeks. No chicken, no fish, no bison, and of course, no pork. ThatĀ eliminatesĀ most protein out of my diet. I really don’t like tofu or beans, I can’t have nuts, and I don’t think it’s healthy to live on proteinĀ supplements.

***

It is 1:30 in the morning, and I’m still up. I’m wide awake. But this post is full of ramble at this point, so I’ll leave it here for now.

 

Sincerely yours,

J.J