Finally Realized Why Rom Coms Sell

13 02 2014

I read this today.

Read it.

It made me go ‘well, goddamn.’

I am currently roughly eight months into my relationship with Magpie. He’s sweet, I’m sweet, we laugh about ridiculous things, and I am very physically comfortable with him. (For anyone who is unaware, for someone who isn’t big on physical contact, this is a Big Deal.)

But I sometimes keep going ‘It’s not insanely passionate and earth shattering and wrecking me! It’s not TRUUUU LUV OMG’.

And it’s really really stupid. But as the column I referenced says, it’s not the story that we’re sold.

The story is always Man and Woman Meet. They argue about stuff. They realize they need each other and want to stay together forever. They kiss. The end.

But that’s not how real life works. Relationships that last, just going by observation and a little research, are born from respect, mutual affection, common interests and compatibility. Not stirring music and sexual compatibility and friction. That kind of thing fizzles out and then there’s nothing left.

But that’s what we’re shown. What we think we’re supposed to expect and want, and then we think that our good relationships aren’t good enough because we aren’t riding off on a white horse or standing on the front of a cruise ship.

It’s a fairy tale for adults. I guess we’re not supposed to outgrow it so movie makers can make money.

Well, I might watch them for fun, but I think the kind of romance I’m living in, right now, makes for a better story.

We’re both pretty broke and our fanciest date as of this post was a Japanese restaurant during Restaurant Week. His stubble is scratchy and sometimes when we sleep together it’s too hot and I have to roll away.

But sometimes we laugh without reservation, and can cuddle for hours. He respects me, he supports me, and I do my best to do the same. We daydream about sharing an apartment. And sometimes, for no reason at all, we just smile at each other.

I think that’s a lot of love, don’t you?

Advertisements




The Zimmerman-Martin Trial.

14 07 2013

 

Before yesterday, I was planning on writing a post about my new internship, and my dating life. But I think this is going to be a more serious post.

Now, I’ll admit I haven’t been following the trial extremely closely. Nor was I expecting Zimmerman to get convicted of murder. I was hoping that he could be convicted of manslaughter, but it seemed unlikely, especially under Florida law. The jury probably followed the letter of the law. That being said-

I am pissed off, and I’m sad.

There was a teenager walking home, and never got there. And no one of this needed to happen. Had everyone, as I have suggested in an earlier post, minded their own business, it would have been just another ordinary evening. But Zimmerman got out of his car and followed a teenager. Trayvon, who can’t be asked what happened, most likely was unnerved by being followed and reacted without thinking about it. And the end result is a dead teenager and a man who will forever be branded as a violent racist and will never be able to go out in public again without looking over his shoulder.

I don’t think that the jury was necessarily wrong-if the state didn’t have enough evidence to convict Zimmerman, his attorneys would have just appealed. But that doesn’t seem like enough to gloss the situation over.

Parents no longer have their son, and a lot of people feel reminded that there is still racism and a lack of justice in this country.

I just worry that there are people walking the streets with guns. I don’t believe there is any real need for a civilian to carry a loaded gun. It’s one thing to have a rifle in your hunting lodge to shoot targets or deer or something on weekends, but what’s your average citizen going to need a pistol first? What, you think someone’s going to hold up a Starbucks? Even if you do, you’re more likely to make the situation worse than become a hero. And then there are people carrying guns that wouldn’t pass a police psych exam. I know the criminal elements have weapons, but I doubt a lay person with a hand gun is going to stand much of a chance against a hardened criminal anyway.

…all this just makes me tired. Why can’t everyone just live and let live? Everyone seems to want to hate or distrust someone. Why? We all live in this world, and we all just want to be happy. Can’t we bond over that? No one was born into this world to enter conflicts. We came into this world to live. I don’t know why hating each other has so much more power than that.

Well, thanks for reading. I’m going to go and read something funny.

Sincerely yours,

J.J.





Starbucks Is Eating All My Money

23 06 2013

I have a Frappuccino addiction, and with someone at my income level it is devastating. I have very little money, and when I get money, do I save it? Nope. I justify that whatever piddly amount I have isn’t worth putting towards my student loans or savings and spend it like I have thousands just waiting to be spent. It’s not like I have rent or bills or anything, so who cares, goes the mentality. Oddly enough, once I have a steady paycheck, I’ll probably be a lot better with money and budgeting.

Also, any of the Light Frappuccinos at Starbucks don’t automatically come with Skinny syrup. They are made with skim milk and I think the base is different, but the syrup isn’t, you have to ask for that separately. It doesn’t change the price, but you would think that the low calorie version would have sugar free syrup, or at least the versions that  would use the sugar free syrups that they already carry. Yes? No?

Other things I hate about Starbucks:

1. Baristas who get pissed when you tell them they messed up your drink. I’ve done that job, I know once a drink is done you want to forget about it. But I never got an attitude about it.

2. People who don’t know what they want. ‘I want something with chocolate. No, I don’t know what it’s called. I WANT CHOCOLATE.’

3. The ‘real’ Starbucks are inconsistent as hell when they make my Frappuccinos. Too thick, ice chunks, funny taste. I have a favorite barista in the frickin’ Barnes and Noble Starbucks. She makes it perfectly. I need her to make a tutorial or something.

Now there is a break, because I had to take a Benedryl and I’m too sleepy to type properly.

THE NEXT DAY

Bobbi Brown wrote this makeup manual, and the girly part of me that doesn’t care about practicality or sense or anything that isn’t soft and pink and glittery is all OMG I MUST HAVE ALL OF THESE PRODUCTS WHEE. The rest of me is all ‘…who the hell has the time or money or inclination to buy and use of these things? There’s twenty different brushes and sponges and what?’ Maybe I’m just bitter because I can never find a makeup that covers but doesn’t give me zits and doesn’t feel like thin cake batter on my face. …or maybe I don’t want to spend twenty minutes every day fixing my face and blending foundation and penciling my eyebrows.

…maybe I should get a makeup consultation or something. Or read the rest of the book. When I have money to buy it and take it home and put different things on my face.

Okay, now I’m going to talk about Active Link, Weight Watcher’s activity tracker thingy. I am now obsessed with it. I feel badly about myself if I don’t get 100% activity goal every day. It’ll be ten thirty at night and I’m doing jumping jacks like a mad woman going ‘I’M ONLY 98%, I HAVE TO MAKE 100% ARGH I AM OBSESSED.

No, really, I keep poking the jiggly areas of my body in frustration and then I go into plank. And then I eat baby carrots and pita chips and hummus. Mmm. So crunchy.

And I really really really want to like yogurt. And I don’t unless it’s really sweetened, which totally defeats the purpose of yogurt. So I want a smoothie, but then it tastes too much like yogurt and I don’t like it unless I put Crystal Light in it and ARGH HEALTHY FILLING EATING IS HARD. Sometimes I just want a cheeseburger with bacon and fries. And a milkshake. A chocolate milkshake. Sigh.

But I’m having a turkey burger with grilled potatoes, possibly with steamed broccoli. And that’s pretty good too.

Sincerely yours,

J.J





After a long absence.

21 06 2013

I got an internship! YAY! Now so long as my various psychological problems don’t interfere, I should be fine. …oh boy. Got lots to talk about in therapy.

I think tonight is going to be a pondering post.

1. Why are people still debating about abortion? It’s the same points over and over, this 20-weeks thing is unconstitutional, and it seems no one is ever going to come to an agreement on it. I personally am very happy that no one can tell me to have a baby I don’t want, and the first person to tell me that if I don’t want a baby I should stop having sex is going to get kicked in the rear. Everyone should have access to contraception, use it, and the government can shut it about what’s going on in my uterus.

2. According to a lot of the comments on judgybitch, (I’m not linking to her, look it up if you want), if I want to get a man and not be a slut who will eventually have nothing to offer, I should wash his clothes, cater to his every need, make him sandwiches, and put him before myself in every respect, and then he’ll take care of me. My response to this was: Huh? What happened to marriage being a partnership?  I always thought marriage should be more of a ‘Hey, you wash the clothes and mow the lawn, I’ll cook dinner and clean the floors, and then we’ll sit down with the kids and eat and put the kids to bed and have some good sex and go to sleep’ sort of deal. I want to lean on someone, sure, but I want them to lean on me too. Equals. See?

…I’ve been reading up on it, and everyone seems to have an opinion and rules on love, and I don’t think anyone really knows. I’m just going to wing it.

You know what I think? Eighty percent of the world’s problems would be solved if everyone minded their own goddamn business about things that weren’t any of their business. If no one is being hurt or taken advantage of,  shut up about it.

OH NO THOSE PEOPLE OVER THERE ARE HAVING SEX THAT I DON’T APPROVE OF! …are they making you have sex? No? Shut up about it. OH NO THOSE PEOPLE ARE PRACTICING A RELIGION I DON’T APPROVE OF! …are they making you practice the religion? No? Shut up about it. OH NO THOSE PEOPLE ARE BEING RIDICULOUS AND I DON’T APPROVE! Are they making you act ridiculous? No? Shut up about it. (I need to follow that last one.)

With that stuff out of the way, we can focus on curing disease and ending world hunger and discovering cold fusion. And maybe play some Angry Birds in our down time. (Also, how weird is it that I’m totally broke, but still have an iPhone? This country is weird. And privileged. I occasionally remind myself that despite all the crap that I’ve been through, my life isn’t that bad. I have a place to sleep and privacy and air conditioning and I’m not starving and working three jobs to pay the rent on a one bedroom fifth floor walk up that I share with three other people. And that’s only bad by American standards.)

After a certain man ran off to Hong Kong, my brother was all OMG CAMERAS IN THE WALLS. Paranoia scares me, especially when it defies logic. There are millions of people in this country, too many for a small number to sit around and watch all day and night. This isn’t 1984. There is potential to be observed, and I object to that for the sake of our civil liberties, but practically speaking, I’m pretty sure the government isn’t listening to my phone calls.

Any sort of unquestioning belief bothers me. I just question everything. Except for gravity. I like believing in gravity, it makes it easier to get to the store.

Sincerely yours,

J.J





Quiet Clubbing, and Other Things

22 01 2013

Quiet clubbing is fun, and hilarious. A room packed full of people, most of whom who have had at least one drink, all bobbing along to whatever channel their headphones are on. So you can be on a pop song, the guy down the bar is dancing salsa, and the girls in the corner are all singing off key to some boy band from the 90s. And then you take the headphones off, and suddenly the only sounds are people talking and singing, and everyone is dancing terribly, and you’re laughing. I didn’t meet anyone, but it was a lot of fun. I was all into my 90s music and lemon drops.

There was one guy who told me I smelled nice. Coming from a man who I didn’t find attractive or interesting, it was creepy like woah. You don’t want to think that someone who you don’t really want is that close to you, I guess.

Then there was another guy who did nothing but walk around and stare. I was like, um, can you not do that, it makes me think that you’re trying to pick who to take home and skin. Logically, I know that he either a. was nervous, or b. was trying to scope out girls, but it was tres creepy nonetheless.

And….I had a job interview today. YAY! I don’t know if I got it or not, but it’s good practice. I also bought a book that has taught me many things in a few hours, called ‘Getting Naked: Five Steps To Finding The Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed & Totally Sober),’ by Harlan Cohen. He wrote the Naked Roommate. That was about strange things that can happen to you at college and how to deal with them, but this one really makes me think. I like it; it’s frank without making you feel stupid, so I recommend it.

Still makes me sad when BB doesn’t mail me, but now I just try to move on with it. And go on OkCupid. Still haven’t gotten any bites from anyone I like, but oh well. I actually put a bit in my profile about how I don’t want any ‘Hey sexy’ messages, and I still get them. More proof that a lot of guys don’t actually read the profiles. To prove my point, the few messages I get from women usually indicate that they actually want to talk to me. I’m not so attracted to them, but it’s nice that they actually read it!

You know, on the sexuality scale, I used to think I was 50/50, straight down the middle, but I think I’m more of a 65/35. I do appreciate women, but I usually have to know them a little before…actually, no, I take that back. I’m just a little more easily attracted to men, or maybe I’m pickier about women?

Man, I haven’t posted in a while. How’s tricks?

Sincerely yours,

J.J





Notes from an Introvert

7 01 2013

Hey everyone.

I am twenty-six years old, single, living in my mother’s house, and I am home eating Fruit Loops. Part of me is okay with this; I’m losing weight, I’m not suicidal, I smile more. Part of me DOES NOT WANT. I was bummed all day today because BB didn’t e-mail, which is stupid. My friend is like ‘just confess’ and I’m like ‘I ALREADY DID AND GOT SHOT DOWN LEAVE ME ALONE’, so then I decided that I was going to get out of the house and go to meetups and a pottery class and maybe a singles event, and I was looking forward to it, and the pottery class is tomorrow.

Then the socially awkward part, the introverted part? Starts whining like a six year old who wants ice cream before dinner. ‘I don’t wanna go out and socialize! I don’t want to go on dates! I don’t wanna I don’t wanna you can’t make me WAHHHHHH’

I really want to improve my life, but it’s a little difficult when a large part of my personality acts like a socially awkward elementary school kid! …I guess I should talk about this in therapy, shouldn’t I?

To my fellow introverts, if any are reading, are you ever conflicted like this?

Sincerely yours,

J.J





Managing my Migraine

3 01 2013

Holy hell have I been sick. I was in the hospital for hours yesterday after days of the worst headache I have ever had, and now I’m finally feeling well enough to prop myself up and type out a post.

Hi everyone! Happy New Year! I drunk dialed a few people, and I have learned something! I have to not inflict my insecurity on people, because it is really irritating! Also, I plan to stay on Weight Watchers (which is hard to do while you are sick, let me tell you), get more exercise, and to try and believe that I am awesome. (‘Cause I kinda am. 🙂 )

Oh, BB mentioned that a friend confessed to liking him, I asked him not to talk about that because I like him, and we had a mini fight because he said that maybe we shouldn’t talk for a while because I wasn’t supposed to get hurt. But then we got over it, we are not going to mention my feelings for him, he won’t talk about his romances out of respect for that, and he apologized at least three times. I hope we can just be friends. I need to learn to just be friends with a guy anyway, especially one that I’ve slept with. (Does this mean that I don’t like him anymore? Not a chance, but I think I’ve managed to get out of the flowers and colors stage, since he’s been so clear and nice about it. Especially since I don’t think that it’s so much me as that he doesn’t want any relationship. My evidence for that? He mentioned that the friend liked him, but said nothing about how he felt about her, and that when I said I didn’t want to hear about what girls he liked, he said I needed to pay attention to what he was saying. So either I missed something, or he was pointing out that he didn’t say that he liked her.)

Anyways! The week after next I will find out if work wants to keep me-I’m mad that I had to miss this last week, but I was so damn sick I couldn’t even get out of bed other than to go to the bathroom and to eat, so running around work all day was so.not.happening. Right now I’m barely well enough to sit up, and the E.R doctor said to stay home, so home I am.  And I think I need to work on a piece I want to submit for consideration to a paid market. OMG! Wouldn’t that be something. (I think the royalty is like fifty bucks, but who cares, paid market, wee!)

I’m going to try and write while I’m still conscious, so later you guys!

Sincerely yours,

J.J