Guess Who’s Back in the House!

1 10 2014

Well, I have been AWOL for a while, haven’t I? Lots happening.

(Technically AWOL means Absent Without Leave, but this is my blog, so who am supposed to ask for leave? Myself? Should I submit a request in writing?)

Anyway, today I came to talk about weight loss, via my own viewpoint.

I admit it. I got stuck. I lost forty pounds of the sixty four I wanted to and then-Cue tire screech. I don’t know if I was tired or frustrated or bored, but nothing was working.

So then I gave up. NOM NOM NOM FOOD.

I hate French fries because I love them. I avoided not excellent fries but damn, fresh cut fries with a hint of salt and ketchup. Awwwwwww yeah.

Fro-yo needs to stop pretending that it’s healthy. When half of the toppings in the topping bar are candy, STOP PRETENDING that you are anything but somewhat lower calorie ice cream. And you can get as much as you want. Ice cream is actually safer sometimes, at least with ice cream you get a set amount and you pay for it and you leave. Fro-yo is all OH HERE IS A CUP THAT WE PRETEND IS SMALL BUT FILL IT UP WITH TONS OF FROZEN YOGURT AND FRUIT AND RASPBERRY CHOCOLATE AND STRAWBERRY TAPIOCA PEARL THINGS AND THEN YOU HAVE OUNCES UPON OUNCES OF DELICIOUS COLD CALORIES. OF HEALTH LIES.

(Also, black sesame ice cream? SCREW YOU, YOU BASTARD I love you, call me xxx.)

Then, of course, the Frappuccino. Now, I get Mocha Light Frappuccinos. Skinny mocha sauce, non fat milk, the whole she-bang. But. But. What comes out of my mouth is ‘Venti skinny mocha Frappuccino. With whip. And two pumps of raspberry.’ The result? Twenty four ounces of icy chocolate pseudo coffee goodness topped with a crown of whipped cream and oh god it’s good but it’s so bad. It’s like wearing a conservative outfit buttoned up to the chin but then you’ve got a corset and lace semi see through crotch-less panties underneath and no one knows. Get on with your bad self.

So. Yeah. I, plus seven new pounds (grumble pudgy face), am trying to get back on track.

I am tracking on Weight Watchers and on My Fitness Pal (with custom goals), and holy hell am I all over the place.

One: I eat sooooo many carbs. My proportions are about 70% carbs to 13% fat to 17% protein. It’s a little ridiculous. I gotta give up the waffles. Breakfast should have protein! Maybe I’ll do a smoothie and eggs. Something.

Two: Night time? OMG I WANT CHIPS. ICE CREAM. HONEYCOMB CEREAL! At the moment I’m munching on the occasional apple and drinking tea. I also need to start doing origami again. Keeps your hands busy. I made a bird! And a little box. But man, cranes are hard.

Three: Man, I keep eating my feelings. Happy? TIME FOR ICE CREAM! Sad? *sob into food* Angry? Booze and chips! Bored: …whatever.

I should just use my elliptical more. It’s just so easy not to!

But, starting next week, there are going to be fitness classes in my life. (High intensity core, yoga and/or Zumba!) So I think that will help.

I just have to fit in exercise in between classes, studying, homework, writing, cooking, dog, boyfriend (I love you magpie!) and whatever else happens to fall on my head. Whatever. It’s past midnight, I’m supposed to be sleeping. And in the morning? I’m not making waffles!

I’m making ginger cookies instead.

Oh boy.

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A Christmas Reapperance

24 12 2013

Merry Christmas Everyone!

I have a part time job in an office! Had it for a few months now, but I’ve been MIA so I’m announcing it now with the celebratory call of the employed: YESSSSSSSSSMON-NAY!

I mean, I’ll probably only be here until September, because I’ve been promised full time schooling in the fall! YAY FOR EDUCATION! But then I’ll go back to food service and not wearing real clothes to work. Unless I get a super ultimately cool internship! Which would be super ultimately cool! (…I’ve been watching too much anime.)

Still with my new boyfriend! (I mean, we’ve been dating since July, so he’s not new, per say, but whatever.) We spent Thanksgiving with his family and we’re splitting Christmas between lunch with his parents and the rest of the day with my family! We’ve survived my stomach flu, we don’t fight (well, I mean, we disagree, but we communicate!) and we laugh a lot.

He’s still not super hunky, but sometimes I get this fluttery caramel feeling looking at his face. I don’t get it.

We’ve exchanged ‘I love you’s. He said it first. I totally said it without planning; it just popped out. It makes me excited and terrified and OMG and like a cork popped out of a bottle of champagne when I wasn’t expecting it.

My therapist worries that it’s not a good thing, since he’s only tutoring right now and doesn’t have a steady job and might not be a forever kind of guy. I hope he turns out to be, but I hear where she’s coming from. It’s not like he’s not looking for work or something. He’s not very materialistic, but I think he likes the idea of supporting me and saving up for a place,  so I think it’ll give him a good kick in the butt even though he’s not a fan of job searching, it stresses him out. (He’s less social than I am, if you can believe it.)

I like having a job. Makes me feel like I have purpose and such. Not as much as a publishing job would, but you know, baby steps!

I have gotten totally into baking lately. I really hope a mixer is under the tree tomorrow, the one I have is a bit old and only has those silver mixing curly sticks. I bought all my presents already, but tonight is wrapping night/brownie night! I’m making my boyfriend’s parents brownies for Christmas. And the buzz from him is that my family totally likes me! YAAAAAY.

What’s everyone hoping for this Christmas? (Or what did you get for Hanukkah?)

Also, what exactly is up with Instagram? Everyone at work is all ‘Oh, I don’t do Facebook, Instagram is where it’s at’.

 

I think I’m going to start over again with Weight Watchers in the New Year. I’ve been stuck stuck stuck at 152 since my stupid stomach flu-I lost about four pounds but then was so weak afterwards that I totally stopped exercising and then the holidays came around and there was pie and stuffing and office parties and…and…I am weak to those things. And it’s almost my birthday, which means my favorite red velvet cake…yup, New Year’s Resolution is the best way to go. Get back on the wagon, so to speak! I’m not going the ‘It’s the holidays, so it doesn’t count’ route though, I might as well accept another five pounds, and I’m not doing that!

 

Did everyone watch this season of the Walking Dead? IT WAS AWESOME. It comes back in February, so if you’re behind, it’s time to catch up! Unless you can’t do gore, ’cause this show has blood and guts everywhere.

Oh, other New Year’s resolutions: More posts and more writing!

Speaking of which, I really should be doing that, so I’ll sign off. Merry Christmas, everyone, and if I don’t get on, Happy New Year too!

Sincerely yours,

J.J





I was going to write a coherent post. Then stuff happened.

4 08 2013

 

Drum roll please.

…I SAID DRUM ROLL PLEASE.

Thank you!

I…

Have a new boyfriend! OMG! It’s so crazy.

Now, he’s no Benedict Cumberbatch. (Is anyone?) I think that’s only occurred to me because the media has constantly provided us with the idea that love requires physical near-perfection and constant conflict,

He might not be the prettiest face, but he’s not ugly, and I like him very much. What’s the quote? ‘Love is not finding a perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.’ Don’t remember who said it. The words are more important.

I’ll call him…hmmm, he needs a nickname. I will call him Sweetness, ’cause he is really quite sweet. Sometimes sweeter than I can handle.

He’s not exactly clingy, but he can hover a little bit. He likes to hold my hand, which I don’t mind. And he cares. He remembers little things. I mentioned a book I couldn’t get from the library, he found it for me. When I was having a bad day he told me to call him any time. And I feel safe in his arms. For me, that means a lot.

Also (innocents, cover your ears), I haven’t had full on sex with him yet. He seems to enjoy getting me off,  quietly, and we haven’t had much privacy, so it’s really slow, especially for me.  And he’s okay with it.

I think that’s the best part. Plus the hope.

The hope that maybe it’s forever. And the hope that we’ll have fun. We already have fun. We’re awkward together, we’re fun together, we wander around for hours and never get bored. We like to cuddle.

Let’s see where we are by December.

In the meantime, I think I’m getting a cold, so I’m going to keep this short.

What’s everyone’s favorite part of a relationship?

Sincerely yours,

J.J.

P.S. I’ve gained four pounds. I weep. But Sweetness wants me to go jogging with him, so that’ll be fun, no?





Starbucks Is Eating All My Money

23 06 2013

I have a Frappuccino addiction, and with someone at my income level it is devastating. I have very little money, and when I get money, do I save it? Nope. I justify that whatever piddly amount I have isn’t worth putting towards my student loans or savings and spend it like I have thousands just waiting to be spent. It’s not like I have rent or bills or anything, so who cares, goes the mentality. Oddly enough, once I have a steady paycheck, I’ll probably be a lot better with money and budgeting.

Also, any of the Light Frappuccinos at Starbucks don’t automatically come with Skinny syrup. They are made with skim milk and I think the base is different, but the syrup isn’t, you have to ask for that separately. It doesn’t change the price, but you would think that the low calorie version would have sugar free syrup, or at least the versions that  would use the sugar free syrups that they already carry. Yes? No?

Other things I hate about Starbucks:

1. Baristas who get pissed when you tell them they messed up your drink. I’ve done that job, I know once a drink is done you want to forget about it. But I never got an attitude about it.

2. People who don’t know what they want. ‘I want something with chocolate. No, I don’t know what it’s called. I WANT CHOCOLATE.’

3. The ‘real’ Starbucks are inconsistent as hell when they make my Frappuccinos. Too thick, ice chunks, funny taste. I have a favorite barista in the frickin’ Barnes and Noble Starbucks. She makes it perfectly. I need her to make a tutorial or something.

Now there is a break, because I had to take a Benedryl and I’m too sleepy to type properly.

THE NEXT DAY

Bobbi Brown wrote this makeup manual, and the girly part of me that doesn’t care about practicality or sense or anything that isn’t soft and pink and glittery is all OMG I MUST HAVE ALL OF THESE PRODUCTS WHEE. The rest of me is all ‘…who the hell has the time or money or inclination to buy and use of these things? There’s twenty different brushes and sponges and what?’ Maybe I’m just bitter because I can never find a makeup that covers but doesn’t give me zits and doesn’t feel like thin cake batter on my face. …or maybe I don’t want to spend twenty minutes every day fixing my face and blending foundation and penciling my eyebrows.

…maybe I should get a makeup consultation or something. Or read the rest of the book. When I have money to buy it and take it home and put different things on my face.

Okay, now I’m going to talk about Active Link, Weight Watcher’s activity tracker thingy. I am now obsessed with it. I feel badly about myself if I don’t get 100% activity goal every day. It’ll be ten thirty at night and I’m doing jumping jacks like a mad woman going ‘I’M ONLY 98%, I HAVE TO MAKE 100% ARGH I AM OBSESSED.

No, really, I keep poking the jiggly areas of my body in frustration and then I go into plank. And then I eat baby carrots and pita chips and hummus. Mmm. So crunchy.

And I really really really want to like yogurt. And I don’t unless it’s really sweetened, which totally defeats the purpose of yogurt. So I want a smoothie, but then it tastes too much like yogurt and I don’t like it unless I put Crystal Light in it and ARGH HEALTHY FILLING EATING IS HARD. Sometimes I just want a cheeseburger with bacon and fries. And a milkshake. A chocolate milkshake. Sigh.

But I’m having a turkey burger with grilled potatoes, possibly with steamed broccoli. And that’s pretty good too.

Sincerely yours,

J.J





Restless

22 04 2013

 

That’s basically how I am now.

I don’t want to be home, but I don’t want to be out, because I don’t really have anywhere to be, and I’d rather be home doing nothing or writing than be out wandering. I have to be in a certain mood to wander. It’s not like I’m in a new city or country, where wandering will always lead to something different. Here, I have paths that I have walked, and the part of me is nervous and scared of anything unfamiliar doesn’t like to be forced off the path without a specific destination.

So I’m going to try a new thing, starting this week sometime. I think I will pick a destination, and head for it, and explore that way. Once I’m out, it’s much harder to run and hide, and the part of me that loves new things will be too busy looking around to let the scared part protest. Once the weather is a little warmer, I will return to the cupcake shop again, and wander the area around there. (I can’t afford most of the area around it, but it’s fun to window shop. Plus, there’s a tea cafe around there, and I want to go back to it. I went there on a date once, I haven’t been back since, and it would be nice to go again.)

I’m also thinking about going back to my support group. I feel like sometimes I need something that’s not therapy, but I can just…talk and be with people who get it. And I think it’ll help me develop my empathy more, listening to others and not getting irritated by their expression of emotion.

On another note-I’ve lost forty-five pounds! Holy crap, right? I started out at 198 pounds, and now I’m at 153! Now, the top end of my healthy weight range is 141 pounds, and I don’t want to be right at the top. Also, to be a Lifetime Member of Weight Watchers I have to stay within 2 pounds of my goal weight. (Well, two pounds above, I can go below if I wish.) So I’m going for 138, which is fifteen pounds down. I bet I can do it. I mean, the last ten pounds are apparently the hardest, but I’m going to do it.

I’ll probably have to work on my fitness ADD. Apparently I hate workouts that feel like workouts as well- I’ll do high knees and butt kicks while I jog with the dog, but I don’t think I’ve ever gotten through a workout DVD. (I like the Wii Fit, but the Wii’s disk drive can’t read the disk anymore, so I can’t do it. I am crushed.)

(Those of you who want to lose weight and have a dog, take the dog for more walks. It helps and the dog will be happy.)

Tomorrow, however, I’m going to make cupcakes for my ceramics class. It’s an expression for my love of baking and my affection for the members of my class. (Except for irritating Hobble Husband. I call him that because he hurt himself being an idiot and is on crutches, and also he is a pitiful excuse for a husband to his wife. No job, thinks too much of himself, expects her to constantly accommodate him, and has the shallow charisma that appeals to people but conceals his flaws. Gag me. I hate men like that. However, he’s getting a cupcake because it’s not as if I can keep it from him and I like his wife very much.)

I feel less restless now. I think this blog helps me with that feeling. I’m grateful for it. And for you guys who apparently read it, ha ha.

Sincerely yours,

J.J





In Barnes and Noble

5 04 2013

I’m writing this post from a table at Barnes and Noble. I’ve been here about an hour; it’s a good place to write-people watch, yada yada. Most of the people here, myself included, at least buy a drink before hogging a table for ages. There are at least three people who haven’t, which annoys the crap out of me. Then people who actually have drinks have nowhere to sit. And two out of the three are these sketchy white guys who are either developmentally disabled or serial killers. One has one of the most pointless comb overs that I’ve ever seen, it’s like he threaded his head.

This week is almost over, thank goodness, because for some reason I have been snacking like a fiend and I have five weekly points left. Out of forty-nine. But today hasn’t been so bad. I had a Healthy Choice meal (the Top Chef ones are pretty good) and a salad, a large iced mocha (skim milk and sugar free syrup!), and two clementines. I have no idea what I’m going to do for dinner. I’m not going to be hungry for a while, so I’ve got a bit to figure it out. God, sometimes eating is a pain.

Okay, Comb Over has been reading the same page for about five minutes. Either he’s slow, or he’s not actually reading. He probably has body parts in his freezer. And Fat Pretentious Pubes Beard keeps picking at himself. Gross gross gross.

Oh, I almost forgot. This is my other blog. My writing blog. It’s just about as random as this one, but I still think it’s pretty awesome. Please check it out and read my writing! I’d love some feedback!

Oh, and I came across this the other day–>

And what did this make me think of? The image for Lolita.

 

This is nuts. Victoria’s Secret really shouldn’t be marketing sexual underwear to underage girls. According this blog post, they’re trying to sell underwear to these girls that say things like ‘Feeling Lucky’ on them.

Like we haven’t sexualized women and girls enough? Do you have to sell them underwear that invites sexual advances, that makes them seem themselves sexually?

It’s creepy. I’m not even a mother yet, and probably won’t be for a while, and I’m already worried about my potential daughters being seen as sex objects.  Ugh.

Then again, when I look in a Victoria’s Secret, the models are always posed provocatively. Now, as I am attracted to women, you might think that I like that. But it’s meant to appeal to men (really, the catalog is pretty much Playboy without genitals)  and the objectification of the women is more disturbing to me than it is attractive. It reminds me that women are still often seen as sex objects.

What does everyone else think? Am I being too sensitive? Men and women and whatever else you identify as, let me know in the comments!

Sincerely yours,

J.J





Easter Food Trouble

31 03 2013

 

I am so totally gaining weight this week. Oy vey.

First, my mother makes a ham. I love me some ham. Especially with sweet potatoes, which we also made. So yesterday was yum yum yum ham time.

But then today we went out for lunch with my aunt for Easter. (They went to church. I did not. I slept, showered, and walked the dog.)

I got a bowl of tomato bisque soup with fried basil-yum yum yum. It was a little creamy and with a little fresh pepper very pleasing.

Then I got-hold the phone-a bacon cheddar burger on brioche with rum barbecue sauce and fries. I did not finish either, but not because of a lack of desire. The bacon wasn’t too crispy and tasted of wood smoke, there was garlic aioli on the side, the fries with super thin but not too crunchy…I could have eaten it all, but I took the rest home. Weight Watchers Lesson Victory!

But then came my Achilles’ heel, my kryptonite, my greatest weakness: dessert, shared with my mother. Three miniature desserts-molten chocolate cake (which is pretty common, but was very well done, topped with vanilla ice cream), peach apple cobbler (oh god, I loved it, with caramel ice cream), and lemon souffle cake thing (pleasing to the tongue, with fresh whipped cream and raspberries). I got a tingle from that dessert trio, yes I did.

Then I got home, and my godmother’s son came over on his way home (from a monastery-he’s getting really into his religion), with fast friendly apple pie. And I had some. It was also delicious.

It is almost eight o’clock. I have a chocolate bunny from Lindt, leftover burger and fries, ham and sweet potato, and more pie. I am in so much trouble.

Happy Easter, however (or if) you celebrate, everyone!

Sincerely yours,

J.J