Starbucks Is Eating All My Money

23 06 2013

I have a Frappuccino addiction, and with someone at my income level it is devastating. I have very little money, and when I get money, do I save it? Nope. I justify that whatever piddly amount I have isn’t worth putting towards my student loans or savings and spend it like I have thousands just waiting to be spent. It’s not like I have rent or bills or anything, so who cares, goes the mentality. Oddly enough, once I have a steady paycheck, I’ll probably be a lot better with money and budgeting.

Also, any of the Light Frappuccinos at Starbucks don’t automatically come with Skinny syrup. They are made with skim milk and I think the base is different, but the syrup isn’t, you have to ask for that separately. It doesn’t change the price, but you would think that the low calorie version would have sugar free syrup, or at least the versions that  would use the sugar free syrups that they already carry. Yes? No?

Other things I hate about Starbucks:

1. Baristas who get pissed when you tell them they messed up your drink. I’ve done that job, I know once a drink is done you want to forget about it. But I never got an attitude about it.

2. People who don’t know what they want. ‘I want something with chocolate. No, I don’t know what it’s called. I WANT CHOCOLATE.’

3. The ‘real’ Starbucks are inconsistent as hell when they make my Frappuccinos. Too thick, ice chunks, funny taste. I have a favorite barista in the frickin’ Barnes and Noble Starbucks. She makes it perfectly. I need her to make a tutorial or something.

Now there is a break, because I had to take a Benedryl and I’m too sleepy to type properly.

THE NEXT DAY

Bobbi Brown wrote this makeup manual, and the girly part of me that doesn’t care about practicality or sense or anything that isn’t soft and pink and glittery is all OMG I MUST HAVE ALL OF THESE PRODUCTS WHEE. The rest of me is all ‘…who the hell has the time or money or inclination to buy and use of these things? There’s twenty different brushes and sponges and what?’ Maybe I’m just bitter because I can never find a makeup that covers but doesn’t give me zits and doesn’t feel like thin cake batter on my face. …or maybe I don’t want to spend twenty minutes every day fixing my face and blending foundation and penciling my eyebrows.

…maybe I should get a makeup consultation or something. Or read the rest of the book. When I have money to buy it and take it home and put different things on my face.

Okay, now I’m going to talk about Active Link, Weight Watcher’s activity tracker thingy. I am now obsessed with it. I feel badly about myself if I don’t get 100% activity goal every day. It’ll be ten thirty at night and I’m doing jumping jacks like a mad woman going ‘I’M ONLY 98%, I HAVE TO MAKE 100% ARGH I AM OBSESSED.

No, really, I keep poking the jiggly areas of my body in frustration and then I go into plank. And then I eat baby carrots and pita chips and hummus. Mmm. So crunchy.

And I really really really want to like yogurt. And I don’t unless it’s really sweetened, which totally defeats the purpose of yogurt. So I want a smoothie, but then it tastes too much like yogurt and I don’t like it unless I put Crystal Light in it and ARGH HEALTHY FILLING EATING IS HARD. Sometimes I just want a cheeseburger with bacon and fries. And a milkshake. A chocolate milkshake. Sigh.

But I’m having a turkey burger with grilled potatoes, possibly with steamed broccoli. And that’s pretty good too.

Sincerely yours,

J.J

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Easter Food Trouble

31 03 2013

 

I am so totally gaining weight this week. Oy vey.

First, my mother makes a ham. I love me some ham. Especially with sweet potatoes, which we also made. So yesterday was yum yum yum ham time.

But then today we went out for lunch with my aunt for Easter. (They went to church. I did not. I slept, showered, and walked the dog.)

I got a bowl of tomato bisque soup with fried basil-yum yum yum. It was a little creamy and with a little fresh pepper very pleasing.

Then I got-hold the phone-a bacon cheddar burger on brioche with rum barbecue sauce and fries. I did not finish either, but not because of a lack of desire. The bacon wasn’t too crispy and tasted of wood smoke, there was garlic aioli on the side, the fries with super thin but not too crunchy…I could have eaten it all, but I took the rest home. Weight Watchers Lesson Victory!

But then came my Achilles’ heel, my kryptonite, my greatest weakness: dessert, shared with my mother. Three miniature desserts-molten chocolate cake (which is pretty common, but was very well done, topped with vanilla ice cream), peach apple cobbler (oh god, I loved it, with caramel ice cream), and lemon souffle cake thing (pleasing to the tongue, with fresh whipped cream and raspberries). I got a tingle from that dessert trio, yes I did.

Then I got home, and my godmother’s son came over on his way home (from a monastery-he’s getting really into his religion), with fast friendly apple pie. And I had some. It was also delicious.

It is almost eight o’clock. I have a chocolate bunny from Lindt, leftover burger and fries, ham and sweet potato, and more pie. I am in so much trouble.

Happy Easter, however (or if) you celebrate, everyone!

Sincerely yours,

J.J





Everyone On Glee Tonight Was A Tool, and My Uterus Hates Me

14 03 2013

The thing I liked the most about Glee tonight:

Santana doing a Paula Abdul song that I’ve never heard before with many sexy female dancers. You know, sometimes I forget I’m bi. Then I see stuff like that and I remember. Partly because Naya Rivera is so.damn.hot.

The rest of the hour…yeah. Let’s see, Sue was being Nicki Minaj, who irritates me beyond belief merely by existing. Jane Lynch made it funny, but god that was annoying. The new Glee kids basically went from ‘Roar, we are angry and nonsensical’  to ‘Yay, we’re friends again! And still nonsensical!’ Finn and Will were immature dicks the entire episode. And there’s the Brody situation.

Okay, fine. Brody is a male prostitute. That sleeps with women, just to be clear. He has not told Rachel this, which is a dick move, and Santana is right to try and out him on that point. But Finn, apparently, thinks it’s okay to try and beat him up and tell him to ‘stay away from [his] future wife.’

Boys and girls, that’s not romantic. That’s creepy/possessive/psycho. Brody needs to admit his job to Rachel, Rachel needs to manage her own crap instead of letting Santana run around doing whatever she wants, and Finn needs to get a life. I know this show rarely makes sense, but the way they present Finn and Rachel’s relationship is just unhealthy. And creepy.

And finally, the only people who didn’t irritate me in this episode were Brittney (who was nowhere to be seen for no reason that I remember), and Kurt, who was onscreen for about twenty seconds. Can we get Kurt a story line, please? It’d be more interesting than Ryder’s online romance or Finn’s life searching BS. Anyways. The other thing I was excited about? The preview for next week. Most of it, I don’t remember, but I do seem to remember Blaine asking Sam if he has feelings for him. If they actually make Sam bisexual, that would rock my world. A bisexual character who is sweet, doesn’t sleep with everything that moves, and doesn’t seem likely to suddenly find out that they’re actually gay, a la Santana? Sign me up! I’m sorry, as a bisexual, I would be very happy for bisexuality to be represented by a character that doesn’t turn out to be a. crazy, b. promiscuous, c. dead, or d. all of the above. So, fingers crossed for next week!

 

Now, onto my uterus! Or really, my biological clock. There was a Gerber commerical, and I said, out loud, “I wanna be a mommy!” Cue record screech hold the phone break a glass full stop.

No. No. No. No. I am losing my goddamn mind. I am so far away from where I would want to be in relation to becoming a mother that it’s not even funny. Apparently my biological clock is calling on my lack of fulfillment and both are now trying to get me to become someone’s baby mama.

My response to this: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. I have too many things to do and enough to fit my head around without trying to survive pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood. I should probably go back on the pill as soon as I can pay for it, just to be on the safe side. I have to remember how much I like not being a mother. I have to remember that. I have to.

 

And, to round out the post, a bit about American Idol, which I keep encountering because my mother is watching it. The judges are too nice and say the same crap over and over, but that’s not the worst part. Can anyone guess what I think the worst part is? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? (Sorry. Had to.)

That’s right, Nicki Minaj. Oh god she’s so terrible. She makes no sense, she’s weird in an obnoxious way, and really, I would pay real money to have Mariah Carey (and why is her name pronounced Ma-rai-ah? English makes no sense) punch her in the throat and be all ‘I am so much more than you’ and then they can compare their vocal ranges without a laser light show and Techno Lights can go away.

…okay, done now.

Now, I have work to do on my novel. Well, more work on my novel. Tee hee.

Sincerely yours,

J.J





The End of Greek Guy

11 03 2013

It’s like the title says.

Greek Guy is no more.

I went to his place, we started cooking dinner. Then he wants to make out, and I was beyond not into it. His mouth was too wet and he kept moving it around too much and I just felt like I was getting slobbered on by a strange dog. He even gave me a massage, and the closest I got to a tingle was a little tension relief.

He is very sweet, but I don’t think that we would have gone anywhere when I had no desire to get physical with him. We might have made decent friends, but lovers? Not a chance in hell. I just wasn’t attracted to him. Sleeping with him because he treated me to dinners and treats and drinks, without really wanting to do it, would have made me feel like a prostitute. Or like I was being violated, because the most I could have done was get on my hands and knees and let him go at it.

So I put my shirt back on and we ate dinner, but then he pushed me against the wall. Now, that might have swayed the old me. A little physical dominance is pretty sexy. All I felt was panic, and I pushed him away. I told him we didn’t have physical chemistry, put my coat on. He offered to pay for a cab, but I wasn’t comfortable with that, so I took the train home.

I’m a little sad, because on paper he was great and I think he was sad that I left. But the rest of me? Feels free, and a little more confident, because he was entirely sane, good job, gentleman if a little too familiar-and he liked me. And I’m happy that I was confident enough to be able to say that I wasn’t comfortable, that I could walk away. So it’s all good.

And I’m surprised that I’m so okay with being single (well, not dating, I was still single, whatever), because I haven’t heard from BB in weeks at this point. So that little chapter is closed too. Oddly enough, it hasn’t crushed the travel bug in me. I want to see other countries again. Japan should be first, I think. Or second, because I want to be in the Caribbean more than anywhere else. With my new sexy body, I’m wearing size ten jeans right now and I am beyond happy about it. I also found a little dress in a thrift shop, size ten, and I look so smoking in it you’d think I was a house on fire. Wore it to a party on Friday and felt like I was being eaten up by people’s eyes. I worked hard for this body, so now I’m motivated to keep going. And I’ll live longer, and when I get older I will be able to maintain my weight because I’m used to exercising. I hope. I don’t want to get all fat when I’m old. Though I reserve the right to think about a tummy tuck and fixing my boobs if child bearing keeps me squishy.

Now, I have to check craigslist and maybe do another excel tutorial, so I bid you all good night!

Sincerely yours,

J.J





Dating Online…and other things.

5 12 2012

I got four messages on OkCupid today, which is nice. And not one of the messages intrigued me in any way. You wanna know what they said?

1. hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

That’s it. It’s like he blew a raspberry at me. Next!

2. What scares you the most about opening your heart to a man?

…what? What kind of opener is that? No ‘Hi, I’m so-and-so,’ no ‘you’re pretty/look interesting’, not even a ‘hey, let’s get coffee?’ Personal question plus sketchy looking pic equals…Next!

3. Just seen your profile u seem cool i think it’s dope u wanna be a writer…writing is my passion ive even had a book published…i def woul like to know more

He used the word dope, and can’t type properly. Uh, do not want.

4. Goddamn you are cute. God damn.

That’s it. His profile is two paragraphs, half of which are about how he likes the gym. And he looks…well, not my type. Spiky hair, cocky looking…nah. Next!

5. hey lovely girl u look beautiful and adorable how are u

Again with the text speak? Nothing about my profile? Once again, I’m done.

Then I got to my matches, and found one guy who appeals to me. I sent him a message, so let’s see! (There was a blonde girl who I thought was super cute, but she was really in shape and cute and I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t even respond…you know what? Hang on.)

I sent her a message too. What the heck. Worst case scenario, neither of them answers, and I go on. And try to stop fantasizing about British Boy. I really like him, but again, he’s a dream, like Japan and a train ride through Europe. Except those things might actually happen, while BB and I developing into a relationship is about as likely as me winning the lotto. Especially since I don’t play the lotto because the odds of winning that are about the same as getting struck by lightning.

Gah, I hate being sick. I feel like my head is in a vice and weighs twice as much as normal. I’m supposed to put salmon in the oven and I can’t summon the energy to get out of bed again. I wish BB would text me. And here I go again. I need a real date. Yup yup.

In the meantime, I need a miniskirt. I may not be a size two, but I still have a nice body, and I’d like to have a little skirt. I found a cute on on ASOS, with studs! Sexy, no?

And I weighed myself-I gained about half a pound. Considering, it’s not so bag! I’m still in the black. (Why is it in the black? I don’t remember the origin of that saying.) If I feel better tomorrow I’m working out. That’s a big if, though.

Anyone else excited for Christmas? I think we’re going to decorate this weekend. Oh, I have to make cookies tonight again! Maybe in a little while…I’m tired…

Sincerely yours,

J.J





Getting Back on Weight Watchers

4 12 2012

First off: TWO POSTS IN ONE DAY WHOOO!

 

Oh my god I have fallen off the wagon so hard the oxen ran me over before they tried to ford the river and died. (Tee hee.)

Let’s see, I was on track today until I got out of work after getting sick. Morning was seven points, and that was okay. Then I got a Frap, only four points, so I was up to eleven, leaving me with fifteen. Then I got a ham sandwich and a cookie. The sandwich was four points, so then I was left with eleven. I have no idea how many points that cookie was, but it was gingerbread and homemade (by me), so I figured that one cookie wouldn’t hurt. Then I got some cocktail shrimp, which would have gotten me down to seven at the most.

Then I had a mini Weight Watchers Red velvet cake and a slice of pizza, which put me at zero and leaving me with whatever unknown Weekly points I have. Then I apparently lost my mind and ate four more cookies. I need to get back on Weight Watchers this second, I’m too scared to step on the scale, I feel fat! I mean, I don’t think I’ve gained ten pounds, but I am definitely back in the 160s again, and I don’t want to be.

It’s like between Thanksgiving and my account getting suspended I’ve totally lost it and my account ability. From my account. Ha ha.

And now I feel like crap, so I can’t even start working out again. But no more cookies until Christmas! …at least I’ll try.

Everyone root for me as I try to beat the holiday bulging! I wish everyone else luck too!

Sincerely yours,

J.J





The Summer is All Consuming

10 08 2012

I have not posted in ages! What’s wrong with me?

In weight news…I have lost twenty-five pounds! Ya-hoo! But now, there must be more working out. If I lose a little more, I will buy a new bathing suit. There’s this one, I have it (or a very similar one by the same designer) in a dark emerald green, but the two colors are so cute! But then the one I have already comes in red, and hello, va-va-va-voom! Ah, fashion.

On Monday, I have lunch reservations at this seafood place before Restaurant Week ends- if I’m going to have a lobster roll, I want a good one. And I do believe there is a triple chocolate torte. So, hello, excited! I wouldn’t call myself a ‘foodie’, because who doesn’t love good food, but…well, here’s an example. When I talked about Restaurant Week, my aunt’s response was ‘Oh, can we go to Outback?’ Yes, when there is a whole city of new culinary opportunities, my aunt wants to go to a calorie bomb of a chain steakhouse. Oh well. More triple chocolate torte for me.

Oh, I got into college! YAY! Pray/hope/wish/whatever that my money comes through, ’cause otherwise I can’t afford it. Ha ha ha, no I’m not nervous, why do you ask?

 

***

Back from the beach! Other than an excessive amount of pebbles, it was a good day. I felt good, not self conscious, (and, really, feeling confident in a bathing suit, isn’t that wonderful!) and at the same time determined to get back to the weight where my thighs don’t rub together. They can brush a little, but rubbing is annoying!

And somehow, despite the proper application of sunblock, I still tanned! Not too much though, which is good, I don’t want to look like a handbag before I’m forty.

 

Last Saturday, I went with Big C (my guy friend) to a kissing and cocktails party. I was a little unsure of myself, but it was fun. It was a little too hetero (I mean, I could kiss any girl I wanted, as far as I could tell, but Big C was not getting any dude action), and there was one guy who kept popping up and I was all ‘Okay, dude, the entirety of my body language is ‘get the hell away from me’, stop talking to me’. Eventually he got it. I wore a pink petticoat for a skirt (with a slip underneath), got lots of compliments. I think I will keep the petticoat for special occasions, as it’s not my typical day wear, but I love it. Maybe I’ll incorporate it with my Halloween costume this year. That might be fun. Or I’ll wear it with leggings and be different. The rest of the outfit will have to be completely subtle. Or maybe I’ll just save it for parties. It’s so flouncy.

***

Holy cheese, it’s taken me about a week to write this post. (I bet holy cheese tastes like provolone…yeah, I”m hungry.)

Anyway, back to the party story. In my typical fashion, the person I was most attracted to? A man who was there with his wife, and his girlfriend. What is it with me and finding people (usually men) who are completely emotionally unavailable? (I got to kiss him and play with his nipple rings, so it wasn’t a total waste.) I’m assuming that I’m attracted to unavailable men because I had no father and may be seeking that love elsewhere, but I look for something similar to what I actually know: a man who can’t or isn’t capable of loving me. Maybe I should just give up on men all together! …nah. Unfortunately you can’t turn sexuality on and off like that. Besides, I’m still pretty sure any sane woman would find me too difficult to put up with. I think the urge to gloss over a lover’s failings is easier to apply to men. Oh well. I have other things to do than fall in love right now. Who knows, I may forget all about falling in love with Mr. or Ms. Right until I walk into them.

 

Okay, post is done now! I’m trying to be responsible and get some paperwork done and pick up prescriptions and laundry detergent and work on my novel and…maybe I should focus on one thing at a time. Hee hee.

Sincerely yours,

J.J