Everyone On Glee Tonight Was A Tool, and My Uterus Hates Me

14 03 2013

The thing I liked the most about Glee tonight:

Santana doing a Paula Abdul song that I’ve never heard before with many sexy female dancers. You know, sometimes I forget I’m bi. Then I see stuff like that and I remember. Partly because Naya Rivera is so.damn.hot.

The rest of the hour…yeah. Let’s see, Sue was being Nicki Minaj, who irritates me beyond belief merely by existing. Jane Lynch made it funny, but god that was annoying. The new Glee kids basically went from ‘Roar, we are angry and nonsensical’  to ‘Yay, we’re friends again! And still nonsensical!’ Finn and Will were immature dicks the entire episode. And there’s the Brody situation.

Okay, fine. Brody is a male prostitute. That sleeps with women, just to be clear. He has not told Rachel this, which is a dick move, and Santana is right to try and out him on that point. But Finn, apparently, thinks it’s okay to try and beat him up and tell him to ‘stay away from [his] future wife.’

Boys and girls, that’s not romantic. That’s creepy/possessive/psycho. Brody needs to admit his job to Rachel, Rachel needs to manage her own crap instead of letting Santana run around doing whatever she wants, and Finn needs to get a life. I know this show rarely makes sense, but the way they present Finn and Rachel’s relationship is just unhealthy. And creepy.

And finally, the only people who didn’t irritate me in this episode were Brittney (who was nowhere to be seen for no reason that I remember), and Kurt, who was onscreen for about twenty seconds. Can we get Kurt a story line, please? It’d be more interesting than Ryder’s online romance or Finn’s life searching BS. Anyways. The other thing I was excited about? The preview for next week. Most of it, I don’t remember, but I do seem to remember Blaine asking Sam if he has feelings for him. If they actually make Sam bisexual, that would rock my world. A bisexual character who is sweet, doesn’t sleep with everything that moves, and doesn’t seem likely to suddenly find out that they’re actually gay, a la Santana? Sign me up! I’m sorry, as a bisexual, I would be very happy for bisexuality to be represented by a character that doesn’t turn out to be a. crazy, b. promiscuous, c. dead, or d. all of the above. So, fingers crossed for next week!


Now, onto my uterus! Or really, my biological clock. There was a Gerber commerical, and I said, out loud, “I wanna be a mommy!” Cue record screech hold the phone break a glass full stop.

No. No. No. No. I am losing my goddamn mind. I am so far away from where I would want to be in relation to becoming a mother that it’s not even funny. Apparently my biological clock is calling on my lack of fulfillment and both are now trying to get me to become someone’s baby mama.

My response to this: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. I have too many things to do and enough to fit my head around without trying to survive pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood. I should probably go back on the pill as soon as I can pay for it, just to be on the safe side. I have to remember how much I like not being a mother. I have to remember that. I have to.


And, to round out the post, a bit about American Idol, which I keep encountering because my mother is watching it. The judges are too nice and say the same crap over and over, but that’s not the worst part. Can anyone guess what I think the worst part is? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? (Sorry. Had to.)

That’s right, Nicki Minaj. Oh god she’s so terrible. She makes no sense, she’s weird in an obnoxious way, and really, I would pay real money to have Mariah Carey (and why is her name pronounced Ma-rai-ah? English makes no sense) punch her in the throat and be all ‘I am so much more than you’ and then they can compare their vocal ranges without a laser light show and Techno Lights can go away.

…okay, done now.

Now, I have work to do on my novel. Well, more work on my novel. Tee hee.

Sincerely yours,





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