Had A Nice Christmas

26 12 2012

Hardly anyone came for Christmas, but it was nice, all the same.

I got an iPhone 5, so YAY NEW SHINY THING. It’s pretty damn cool, I must say, so for once I’m glad I’m like everyone else on the planet who has one.

And tomorrow is my birthday! YAY ME.

Big C probably can’t go anywhere with me for New Year’s, which means, most likely, I will be at home. With my mother. Yay! <_<
As you can tell, I’m thrilled. I intend to spend it, at the very least, imbibing alcohol.

BB hasn’t e-mailed me since Christmas Eve, and I’m convinced, as per my usual level of self confidence, that I did something wrong. I shouldn’t give a damn, but I do. It probably doesn’t help that my period hasn’t shown up. I thought it was, but so far, not so much. I know I’m not pregnant-I mean, I’ve lost weight since meeting him, so I don’t think I’m growing a baby inside me.

Though it makes me think, again, about what I would do if I was. Logic says that I should run to the nearest place that provides abortions, and tell no one, not even him. I mean, I’m in no place to raise a kid, certainly not with a man I had a one night stand with. Or without him, as well the case may be. (Big C says that I shouldn’t assume that men won’t step up, but in my experience they don’t, so I would assume that BB wouldn’t be any different. Which is probably why I’m still single; I don’t trust men, and apparently I appeal to a very small demographic of women.)

But I don’t know if it would be so easy, once I knew. I mean, could I go into a doctor’s office and say ‘I don’t want to be pregnant or a mother, please take care of this for me?’ I don’t know. The part of me that wants to be a mother more than anything says no. The part of me that wants to travel the word says yes. I don’t know which would win out.


Also, I have eaten tons of crap today. Cake and apple turnovers and cookies and crap crap crap. Thank Weight Watchers for the Weekly Points, otherwise I would be totally screwed. Mmm. And today is Wednesday, so my points reset tomorrow. I made it through Christmas without using all my points, yay!

And I’ve put Barcelona on my list of places to see; I don’t know much about architecture and I still find the buildings staggering. I know I live in a great country, but damn, the old world had gorgeous things. Like this.

File:Palau Nacional.jpg

The National Art Museum in Catalonia

Gorgeous! Or this!

CasaBatllo 0170.JPG


I don’t know what this is, but it’s gorgeous, and makes me think it’s from another world.

In the meantime, I have work tomorrow, and I have a cough that is kicking my ass today. I don’t know where it came from, and now I’m wheezing a little bit. I have no desire to be sick, so I’m sucking on tea and cough drops and hoping I make it to work tomorrow. I’m really hoping that they’ll keep me, because I really don’t want to be on the hunt for a job again. But the part of me that finds other people irritating is all ‘YAY NO MORE WORK!’ But I need the money and the activity. With my job I average about 4 activity points a day, and without it I have a tendency to sit around, since I don’t push myself too hard. However, I am looking at fitness classes that the city sponsors, maybe that’ll suit me better than a gym I never go to because it’s too far and I don’t feel welcome there.

…I really try to sound positive…but I would feel better if BB would just e-mail, which would mean I wouldn’t have scared off another guy with my issues. Unless of course, I didn’t in fact make a mistake and he’s just busy. But either way, I’m not on his mind and I’m bummed and instead of doing something constructive, I’m eating chicken fingers (baked, not fried) and drinking Smirnoff Ice. See, if this was a chick flick, this would be the beginning, and then I would win a trip to Europe, lose the rest of my weight, and BB would realize, hey, he’s madly in love with me and we run off on a trip together and eventually get married. I would wear this.


Ignore the no boob model, focus on that skirt. Ah. …I love how I love wedding gowns and have little faith in the institution of marriage. THANK YOU SPERM DONOR! Also, I would have more respect for the fashion industry if they designed for women with curves. (There is an Australian model who appeared in Glamour sometime this year, I think, who is a size 10/12 and SO HOT OMG, so don’t tell me curvy can’t be dressed. I can’t think of her name. But she was pretty pretty pretty.)

…I am sure I am not sober anymore. Time for ending the post. Good night everybody!

Sincerely yours,





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