My Little Brother’s Values Suck Hard

18 11 2012

 

Also, he thinks I’m a total dork. (I am a dork, but not in a bad way.) It’s disheartening when I remember how he used to think I hung the moon. (I like that phrase, hung the moon. It’s a bit romantic. Old world romantic, not kissy kissy romantic.)

All he cares about is fashion and looking cool and not doing anything and smoking weed and blah blah blah. I know, he’s a teenager and all teenagers are the despair of their parents and maturing older siblings. But it’s a little frustrating, especially when I’m still stuck in my old bedroom, and he’s seen as having all the potential, and I want to smack him and tell him not to throw it away, you never get a second chance! But I might as well talk to myself, for all that he hears me. He thinks he’s the wise one.

I know I wasn’t that arrogant when I was that age. (Granted, I had the self esteem of a kicked spaniel that’s slightly incontinent, but still. I have never assumed I knew everything. About the only thing I make assumptions about is gravity, because if I didn’t I would try to bounce to work.)

I guess I’ll just leave him be as best I can, but it does hurt my feelings and make me wish we could try to have an actual relationship again. Maybe when he finishes college and I have my first baby or something, it’ll work out.

***

I woke up at 6:30 AM. On a Saturday. For work. It is now ten minutes to midnight, and I’m still up. Crap. I have to go let the dog out to pee. Be right back.

Okay, back.  He didn’t even want to go out, but I am not getting up at 3:30 in the morning because he wants to pee then. Anyway.

I woke up very early, I worked until a little past 5:30, and then I took the train home. But I am in a good mood, for a reason that’s a bit silly. Or quite silly, really. British Boy and I spent the whole day texting back and forth until he shot me his e-mail because international text rates are too expensive. I haven’t e-mailed him because I don’t want to seem creepy, but he’s so damn cute. It’s a little ridiculous. But it makes me smile. We’ll never meet again, probably drop out of contact, but he made me smile.

And I got my first paycheck too! YAY! It’s tiny, but it’s my money, that I earned! It feels so good, and I have purpose that exists beyond playing with imaginary people in my head! …that really doesn’t give credence to my chosen profession.

***

I’m going to talk about body confidence for a bit. According to my Weight Watchers Planner, I have lost…(drum roll)…38.8 pounds! I AM SO HAPPY! When I look at that number it’s like drinking sparkling cider and spinning until I’m dizzy. To get to my healthy weight range I have to hit 141, which is…(quick math) 18 pounds away. But I think I can do it. I already feel much more comfortable in my body now, it’s easier to do exercise when I don’t get tired after one flight of stairs.

And still there’s still nothing like someone that you find attractive saying that you’re  attractive. Hot. It makes you preen. I’ll try to remember how I feel now the next time I’m down on myself.

Everyone, try to look at yourself and be happy! ::dances an internal ‘I’m too sexy’ dance:: I am too tired to dance physically.

And on that note, it’s almost 1:30 in the morning. I am sleepy. This post took forever because I have the attention span of a four year old sometimes.

 

Sincerely yours,

J.J

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