I Don’t Know What To Call This Post Because I’m Too Sad

23 06 2012

This post is probably going to be dark. Just FYI.

My godmother died today. According to her sister, it was 2:11 PM. (Why she posted her time of death on Facebook, I have no idea.) Since I’m me, my first response was numbness, a few tears, and now I’m back to numb again. There’s two viewings and a service and a burial and I think we’re supposed to go and eat afterwards. I hate all that stuff. I guess it’s more for the people left behind, since the dead person is either in Heaven or part of the universe or worm food, depending on your worldview.  I don’t know what I think. It sucks however you slice it, so I guess it doesn’t really matter.

We’ll go to the service, and I don’t have anything to wear, I think. What the hell do you wear to a summer funeral? Hang on, I’ll Google it. Okay, apparently black summer dress is fine, usual funeral rules apply. Great. …I don’t have a black summer dress. Goody, I get to go shopping. I don’t even have appropriate shoes.

I learned a lot from my godmother, including that you should keep in touch with people. (I suck at doing it, but I learned it.) Also, she always wanted me to take care of myself, so I’ll try my best. I’m glad I got to say goodbye.

I don’t know if I’m handling this right. Sorrow and anger always confuse me. They don’t seem to last the right way in me, the way they do for other people.

The hell with this. I’m going to look for a suitable dress online and not think about why because I can’t do this right now.

 

Sincerely yours,

J.J

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