At the end of a day, I make a choice

30 05 2012

Well, I applied for more jobs today, (technically yesterday because it’s eight minutes after midnight as I type this), went to therapy, went to my writer’s group…and decided that I’m going to break things off with A because I think he’s just gone past what I can trick myself into thinking is okay.

He calls, and I think he’s calling to say hi, maybe ask me to meet him. But no. Between his Sunday bootycall and today, he’s converted, seriously, to Islam. Which in and of itself, would be a little odd, because he recently converted to Christianity, and I thought he was serious about that and his interest in Islam was mostly academic. But no. Now this man, who was poly and in a very sexual relationship with me, says he can’t have sex until marriage, and that marriage can only be with another Muslim. After he told me this, I said something like ‘I’ll talk to you later’ and hung up, proceeding to yell ‘What the FUCK’ so loudly I scared the birds off my windowsill.

Okay. I’m guessing my reaction wasn’t too off the wall, as I told my mother and she started laughing, I told three other people and their reactions were ‘good that you’re leaving’ ‘you can do better, it’s good you’re breaking up with him’ and ‘…if he didn’t want to see you anymore, there were other ways’. So. Yeah. I’m done. I may have said it before, but I’m done. I feel like I’m getting jerked around, and I’m tired of it, and I want to find the one who will be my most important person.

I’m enjoying my food more now. Now I crave salmon more than chicken nuggets. I still crave fries though. But good fries, not McDonalds. I want fresh cut potatoes with mango chutney mayo. Mmm.

You know what else is good? That place Energy Kitchen! I like to get a Bison burger, and mashed sweet potatoes, and corn and edamame salad. Mmm mmm. All that together is about 17 points, which is a little high, but it’s mostly the burger, which at ten points is still better than say, a big mac, which might have the same amount of meat, and is twelve points without sauce. And I now miss working out. (It’s that time of the month, so I’m slacking a little bit, but now I’m grouchy.)

Okay, I’m finishing this post later, I’m falling asleep. (It’s one AM.)

Back now. Still haven’t called A to be all ‘Yeah, we’re done’ because I am terrible at any sort of…what word am I thinking of? Not confrontation. …no, wait, I mean definitive. I have a very hard time being definitive about anything. But since I already asked out the waffle guy (I ASKED SOMEONE OUT HOLY CHEESE), I think I’m done with A. I mean, I think Ms. or Mr. Right for me is out there somewhere, I could find them!

I am trying to organize donations for a nonprofit-for a Christmas party! …I had no idea how much work it was going to be, and I’ve never done it before. There’s paperwork and protocol and I feel all industrious and I love it. But I hope I can pull it off! It makes me worry. But I will try my best.

 

I realized, even jobless as I am, I’m doing a lot. (My therapist helped.) It’s not like I sit on my butt watching bad television all day. I go to therapy, a writer’s group, my part time gig, I’m doing the Christmas party, I work out. So at least I’ve got stuff going on. So what if I live with my mother, a lot of people do now, what with the economy. So I’m going to take pride in myself!

I am also going to get some red velvet cake. Maybe next week.

Sincerely yours,

J.J

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