Frustration

29 02 2012

I. am. FRUSTRATED.

With the way things are these days, finding employment or an internship is hard enough. There are plenty of people looking, but too many people don’t have the experience that employers want, and the people who do are probably fighting tooth and nail for a spot.

In my case, I’m so messed up I don’t even have a bachelor’s degree, and I don’t have much work experience because I have a hard time holding down a job. I called VESID, so hopefully they call me back, but it doesn’t make me less frustrated or anything.

For instance, (see, I started a new paragraph because I felt like it, even though it’s not necessary) I want to apply to Scholastic’s Editorial Summer Internship-I’ve wanted to since I learn about it, and something always gets in the way of applying. Now there’s only a month left to apply, and I would, but since I’m not enrolled anywhere, I can’t. And even if I could find somewhere in time, I can’t pay for it! So I have to give up on it. Again. In frustration, I kicked a door. It didn’t help.

This stagnation makes me feel so useless, and tired. I want to do something, but it’s like I’m not good enough to do anything. No one wants to hire me, I can’t pay for school, and I can’t even acquire work experience because there’s too much competition! All I can do is go work out, and that’s hardly something that takes up all of my time, and it doesn’t make me feel like I’m accomplishing anything because I don’t see any results!

This isn’t even a post, this is just a rant! There must be other people in this position, what are they doing?

…okay, I’m calm now, after doing more internship looking. Someone will give me a shot. The hard part is to keep going. I’m really down on myself most of the time, I can’t tell myself one positive thing some days. (My therapist says that I’m way too hard on myself. She’s probably right.) But I have such a hard time pushing pushing pushing, I’m tired.

Still peeved at A, JSYK. I mean, I know we had an open relationship. I know that. It’d be one thing if he broke up with me and he was going to continue with multiple relationships. But no. Now he’s going to be monogamous with…whoever she is. The implication being that I’m too much of a mess to be in a relationship with, much less a monogamous one. MEH. I hate making generalizations, but since I’m bitter: MEN ARE STUPID. THROW ROCKS AT THEM. …I miss him. Jerk.

On a positive note: I feel a little thinner. YAY.

And I found something that makes me feel a little better. Tea! My mother bought this new tea from Teavana, called ‘Slimful Chocolate Decadence’. Yes, there is a pun. However, the tea is also very enjoyable, and smells of chocolate. It’s supposed to up your metabolism, no word yet on if it works. I’ll keep everyone updated if I notice any difference. For people who don’t like the sound of that, there’s a Jasmine Pearl Green Tea that is very nice too, for when you have that green tea mood. Also tea doesn’t make me feel bad after I drink it, like Frappucinos do.

Okay, this has gone on long enough! I feel better, and I have apparently started product placement.

Sincerely yours,

J.J

 

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