The End Of Christmas

26 12 2011


And now Christmas is over. The hustle and bustle, the shiny new gift feeling, the meaning of the decor- all done for another year. I ate unhealthy food with everyone else, and cake as well. It was a lot of fun, with all the conversation and family close together.

I invited A over for our Christmas. (Naturally, being me, I was nervous.) But he came, and, to my shock, brought wine. (He doesn’t drink-did I mention that?) But everyone liked it, so that was good. He liked his gifts (yay, I did well!), but mine hasn’t come yet, so he’s giving it to me later. I was a little miffed he didn’t order my gift in time to get it here for Christmas, but I don’t think it’s something to make a fuss over. But if I don’t get at least a phone call on my birthday (which is tomorrow, yay), then he is totally in the doghouse and not getting any appetizers for his New Year’s party. (If it weren’t pointless and juvenile I would deny him sex. But I won’t have the will power for that, and he has other outlets. And, as I said, it’s pointless and juvenile.)

Sometimes I think he manipulates me. But I can’t tell if it’s me being paranoid or if he’s actually manipulative (I know he’s capable of being manipulative, so it’s not as if it isn’t part of his personality), so I’ll leave it as it is for right now. I’m still trying to see if my attempts at making him feel more appreciated even go anywhere before I worry about anything else. Sometimes I’m sure he’s going to break up with me and I want to try and run. But I’ll stay. Even if it breaks me.

…wow, that was a sad note to end on. But I’m actually in a pretty good mood. I’m just thinking. (As A would say, ‘Uh-oh.)







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