Today, I think, was a good day.

20 12 2011

Well, the day isn’t over yet, but it is a good day so far.

I like to celebrate good days. Everyone should do that.

Fellow anxiety sufferers, if you have a hard time getting out of the house and getting on with your day, I have a tip: do one thing at a time. Don’t think of the whole picture. It’s overwhelming. If you have to talk yourself through each step, then do so. It’s okay. Also, smell some lavender. It helps. At least it helps me. Or have a little sweet, let it distract you. Oh, and deep breaths. It’s cliché as hell, but it does help. Not always, but it can keep the feeling that you’re going to drown in your own nerves at bay.

I’m at A’s place. He’s out at the moment, hence the blog post. But soon he will be home, and then we may watch True Blood (he’s totally getting me into it) and then we can have sexy times!

On the relationship front, I’m going to try and nurture him more, and he seems less stressed. I brought him dinner, which he ate up, so I did a good deed, and I hope I can make him feel loved and respected. I want to stay with him. We can be corny together and still be sexy, which is nice, and I’m comfortable with him, which for me is HUGE. I mean, Empire State Building being carried across the plains of Africa by a giant herd of bull elephants huge.

I know there’s always the chance that we could break up. I know that. But I’m going to try not to worry about it, because I think it prevents me from enjoying the relationship as it is now. Not worrying, for me, is a little like not wanting sweets, but I will try anyway.

Also, my Christmas shopping is still.not.done. And it’s five days until Christmas. Why do I procrastinate to my own detriment? Now I’m going to have to dive into the chaos and terror that is last minute Christmas shopping. Well, at least I won’t be alone. I would go tomorrow, but tomorrow is waiting-for-packages-and-the-new-sofa day. How exciting, right? But it must be done.

Mother: I have a gift for her, but not everything I want to get her. ::sigh::

Brother: Getting his gift Thursday.

A: Part of his gift I have, the rest isn’t here yet.

Everyone else: I have nothing. ::cries::

And I’m worried part of A’s present won’t get here in time. I’m still worrying (ha ha) about how I appear to him. I want to be a potential partner, and I want to hold up well against Faraway Potential Wife, who I will now refer to as FPW because I am too lazy to type out that whole title every time.

JSYK:

A=boyfriend

SG2: boyfriend’s other serious girlfriend

…is that it? I think so. My memory isn’t the best, so…yeah. I’ll add more as I go.

But yeah. He might marry FPW, not for what I would consider the right reasons, but I’m pretty biased, right? I’d prefer he doesn’t, but in the end it’s his choice. I’m just not sure how I’ll feel once he has a wife that isn’t me, who’s known him longer. He doesn’t think she’ll push me out, but…

I’ll put it this way-I’ve known women to get jealous, and to get possessive. I don’t care how cool he says she is, it’s one thing to agree to your partner seeing other people, and another thing altogether to see him treasure someone else. I guess we’ll see. Their marriage isn’t a sure thing. We aren’t getting married anytime soon, I can tell you that. And I’m fine with that. Being a wife is a very big deal, and I’m not ready. I guess I just don’t like the idea of someone else being his wife. I’d rather we find someone (or more than one someone) we can live in a unit with. It might be unconventional, but I’d rather be unconventional than a married couple and the lover. It seems too uneven.

Heck, I might completely change my tune if I find someone I’m interested in. Who knows? I might have a chance encounter and fall for someone who I want to share my time with. Or maybe I’m actually a serial monogamist and haven’t realized it yet. But, again, who knows? Only time will tell, or something equally cliché.

Yours,

J.J

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